Five Ways to Deal With Rudeness in the Workplace

What is Rudeness?

Rudeness can take many forms. It is generally defined as a display of disrespect, a breaking of social norms or expectations, a breach of etiquette, or ignoring "accepted" behaviour. It can also mean someone behaving inconsiderately, aggressively or deliberately offensively.

The word "accepted" is important because rudeness can mean different things to different people, or within different organisations or environments. For example, shouting and swearing might be considered normal in a busy restaurant kitchen, but it would be regarded as wholly inappropriate and unacceptable in most offices.

Similarly, there can be cultural differences to consider. For example, in Japan, something as seemingly innocent as laughing with your mouth open is a no-no. So, it's important to be aware of possible cultural faux pas, especially if you are managing or working abroad or managing a culturally diverse team.

Rudeness can be a way to display power within a team or organisational relationship, to try to get your own way on something, or simply to provoke a reaction. It can also be a response to stress, pressure or frustration.

Five Ways to Deal With Rudeness in Your Team

Being on the receiving end of rude behaviour can make you feel angry, upset and aggrieved. If it's not nipped in the bud, it can become "normalised" and embedded into your workplace culture. It can also escalate from low-level incidents into aggressive and bullying behaviour .

According to a study in the Academy of Management Journal, rudeness can damage team performance, reduce helpfulness and collaboration, and negatively impact workplace relationships.

Here, we look at five strategies for ridding your team or workplace of rudeness.

1. Be a good role model. How you treat your people can impact the way that they treat others. If they see that their managers or leaders get away with rude behaviour, they may copy it. You can prevent rudeness from spreading by setting a good example to them. Our article, How to Be a Good Role Model, highlights the positive traits that you should demonstrate to your team, such as empathy, integrity, professionalism, and self-control.
2. Don't ignore it. If you ignore the rude behaviour, you send out a signal that, in effect, you condone it. If you witness it, or if it's brought to your attention, you need to deal with it. We look at how to do that, below.
3. Deal directly with the culprit. When you need to address rudeness, talk to the offender somewhere private. Stay calm and objective as you outline the facts as you know them, explain the negative impact of his or her behaviour and how it made other people feel, and make it clear how you want him to modify his behaviour. Our article, Bad Behaviour at Work, explores this in more detail.
4. Listen. The offender may think that she had good reason to be annoyed with somebody, and her rudeness was just a reaction to that. So, while making it clear that her behaviour was unacceptable, give her an opportunity to explain what triggered it. Using Active Listening and emotional intelligence can help you to understand her situation, and you can then work together to find a solution.
5. Follow up on any offender. By all means, take the offender's point of view into account, but you have to make it absolutely clear that you don't want a repeat of his words or actions. If, as part of your solution, you set him targets or standards of behaviour, make sure that he achieves them. If he doesn't mend his ways, then you should consider firmer action. Discuss the situation with your HR department, and look at using formal warnings or even, as a last resort, letting him go.

How to Deal With a Rude Manager

If it's your boss who is being rude, there is a different power dynamic to negotiate. You may have to accept that you're unlikely to change how she behaves, so concentrate on mitigating the effect that her rudeness has on you.

Here are four things you can do to deal with a rude boss:

1. Ask why. Perhaps the boss has had a bad day, but it's possible that he is really cross with you. If so, you need to find out why urgently. It may be best to ask him if you aren't clear why. His behaviour may be because he is under pressure, or because he is insecure about his ability or fearful of yours.
   You need to handle this carefully, as there is a power imbalance to consider. You don't want to damage your relationship with him or put your job security at risk. You can learn ways to approach your manager in our article, How to Tell Your Boss He's Wrong.
2. Be positive. The temptation when someone is being rude is to respond in kind, but that is not advisable with your boss. Try to rise above it. Even if you think her behaviour was unwarranted, let your performance speak for you. Show her how valuable you are to her and to the team.
3. Learn and adapt. You may be able to take yourself "out of the firing line" of a rude boss by getting to know how he behaves, and what his triggers might be. You can respond to him more effectively if you are able to anticipate his moods, and if you understand how he thinks and communicates.

NOTE:

While you can adapt your own behaviour to reduce the chances of triggering his rudeness, be careful not to end up on the receiving end of any controlling, bullying or manipulative behavior. We look at what to do in this situation, below.

4. Seek extra help. Rudeness, as we have seen, can be a form of power play and even intimidation. Being more assertive or self-confident might make you less likely to be a target for such behaviour but, if it continues, you should ask for help.
   Consider raising your concerns with your HR department. Give them evidence to back up your claims, such as a written log of instances when you were subjected to rude or unacceptable behaviour. This course of action will likely have consequences for your relationship with your manager, but it will send a clear signal that you refuse to be treated in this way.
   If there is still no improvement in your situation, or if your relationship with your boss breaks down completely, you may have to consider the final option of looking for opportunities elsewhere, either within your organisation or externally.

Key Points

Rude behaviour can be a way of displaying power, trying to get your own way, or provoking a reaction. It can also be a response to stress, pressure, frustration, or some other form of unhappiness. It can seriously impact team morale and productivity, and even lead to aggressive and bullying behaviour.

To tackle rudeness in the workplace, be a good role model for your team members; don't ignore it; deal directly with the culprit; listen to both sides, and follow up on any offender.

If your boss is the one who's rude, find out the reason for his behaviour, stay positive, work around it, and seek help from HR if there is no improvement in his behaviour.

Source: Mindtools